Susie Teaches Writing: Plus, 100 Million Year Old Monsters!
Giant Wolf Eels and Wolf Spiders are a great writing prompt
Hey everyone — I’m in the process of leaving Ithaca, NY, to spend a week in Portland, Maine. Then I fly back home to Santa Cruz to introduce Alison Bechdel for a 5/28 stage show about her new book on the topic of barely-fettered greed and envy! Alison lives in Vermont, so her visit is a rare treat.
In June, I’ll be teaching writing classes, via Zoom. I’m on a “Professor Bright” binge — I had so much fun teaching at the University of Southern Maine and Cornell this past spring.
I realize many of you couldn’t care less about my classes. I salute you! And I appreciate your forbearance while I announce my latest.
MEANWHILE!
For those who’d like to get your mind off the human condition, may I present: “The Story of The Wolf Eel and The Wolf Spider.”
Last week, I encountered a “Wolf spider” in my temporary Ithaca kitchen. It was 4” wide at full extension. Maybe 3 inches, when it was cringing from my scream. We have deadly spiders in California, but not fatties like this!
Wolfie was not dangerous to me, but I’ll be damned if I know why it was in the kitchen instead of the creek outside, where its favorite bug-food resides.
Apparently, Wolf spiders are common around the wetlands and forest where I’m staying near Cayuga Lake.
Then, yesterday, another type of wolf.
My dear partner Jon Bailiff back home in the Monterey Bay, caught a six-foot “Wolf Eel,” before laboriously unhooking it and throwing it back into the sea.
Are you ready to see a face that only a mother could love? Jon sent me the following pics and commentary from the boat.
The Wolf Eel likes to hide; it’s not every day you pull one out of the soup in Santa Cruz.
Jon and his friend Shad were fishing in their Wahoo, hunting crab and rockfish. But apparently the eel could not resist making a play for the squid bait they had on the line.
Here’s our text conversation about it, as Jon sent me photos from afar:
J: I thought I hooked a really big fish. But I caught a monster! We had to really work to get the hook out of it. The eel swallowed it so deep. But we finally got the thing out and threw it back.
S: Did it try to attack you, when you were fiddling with it, or was it helpless?
J: Super weird teeth. Really weird face. Neither of us had ever seen anything like it. We didn’t even know those were down there.
But the Monterey Bay Aquarium includes its profile on their website. They get to be 8 feet long! This one was about six. Weighed about 12 pounds, I’d say. It didn’t fight much, but it was so ugly.
S: Why aren’t the two of you squeamish? I’m screaming continuously and I’m not even there.
J: Well . . . We had to deal with it physically. It wasn’t like we could just ignore it or say, “Ooo, I don’t wanna touch it.” But it definitely left an impression.
S: I would have taken a machete and cut its head off. While screaming.
Meanwhile, Shad’s wife, Willow, wrote me (I sent her the photo, too) and said, “You just get through it, like childbirth.”
Ha! I guess I do have nerves of steel after all, in certain conditions.
Join me, I’m teaching for 1st time in over a year . . .
—Master Class: Substack for Writers Who Really Write
I’m offering two Zoom writing seminars this summer, the Saturdays of June 7th and June 14th.
You know my bonafides.1
Yes, I consult privately. But there is a dynamic, an esprit du corps, that I enjoy with teaching seminars. When I have the health and time for it, I’m all in.
June 7 - Step One, Relative Newcomers
10am - 12:30pm on Zoom, Pacific Time
$195
Register Here: https://literarykitchen.org/substack-for-writers-new-susie-bright-seminars/
Susie will contact you a week ahead for brief pre-class prep, and if you’d like a seminar “pen name”
FOR WHOM?
This seminar is for writers who are reading and commenting on Substack,2 but not yet publishing your own stories. (Or infrequently).
You want to take plunge, you’re curious about what’s involved, best practices, and of course you’d enjoy an attentive and appreciative readership.
Income may be part of your hopes, and certainly a credible audience and respectful peers.
You’re interested in how to present both new and old work. You’re wondering what your “signature,” your imprint on Substack will look like—how to craft something you’re proud of, and has creative and professional substance for you over time.
After our Zoom seminar, you’re game to have at least a couple hours a week to work on getting things going, and keep it up for 4-6 weeks, to see the results. Carpe diem!
June 14 - Veteran Writers on the Stack
10am - 12:30pm on Zoom, Pacific Time
$195
Register here: https://literarykitchen.org/substack-for-writers-new-susie-bright-seminars/
Susie will contact you a week ahead for brief pre-class prep, a few questions about your specific asks, and if you’d like me to offer a seminar pen name.
Your privacy assured. You’ll want to speak with me as you would speak to a trusted agent. That’s my niche.
If you’d like individual follow-up after our seminar, I’ll have an affordable plan for continuing editing/admin work. But first, the classroom dunk!
FOR WHOM?
This seminar is for veteran writers who’ve published on Substack— and likely other blogs, periodicals over their careers.
You may be a book author, and/or journalist. You have a credible reputation, and probably a lot more.
How do you break through plateaus in Stack readership, income, and your own creative momentum?
Veteran Writer Questions I’ll Answer:
Frequency and consistency - what matters, really?
Income/money questions. Converting free subscribers to paid. What you charge. How you enhance. The no b.s. approach. Everyone wants to know, but veteran writers have a particular point of view.
Substack’s flaws, assets, and workarounds for pros.
How to use your backlist on Stack, how to serialize long-form successfully.
Licensing/permissions/collaborators - Leverage with agents and publishers.
Substack’s ongoing transformation and what it means for your spot.
Marketing that works, as opposed to the dubious waste of time.
We’ve all seen platforms/publishers we once flourished with, crater. How do we ensure we’ll not have regrets this time?
How Stack changes your time/relationship on SM - a primer
Troubleshooting trolls, hassles, censors, et al.
Anything you ask me before we begin, I’ll answer. I have seen it all, and held the shovel.
Or, if not: I’m a bestselling Substack writer, multiple bestselling book author and editor. Voilà, my client list.
Substack or other newsletter/blog platforms where the author owns their own mailing list and intellectual property — the lessons are the same, regardless of platform.
I take back my headline: Eels may be 100+ million years old, as a species, but apparently spiders go back further: 300+ million years old. The original weavers. They are both good hiders.
I’m kind of surprised they didn’t barbecue it and have a party.