My Teeny Tiny Tasty Super Bowl Party

Let me introduce you to one of  the NFL's most  surprising fans: me.

I barely know the rules of the game, but I am a total sucker for anything political, poignant, or scandalous about big league sports.

The highlight reel to my Super Bowl party, as usual, will be the food.

I know how to make a chili for people who hate chili. A chili for vegetarians that the meat-lovers will demand for seconds. And yes, a chili you can make in minutes but will make everything believe you toiled for hours.

You can cook it as picanté as you like, but I know how to take all the heat out of it, and still make people feel rambunctious. And... my guacamole is the best.

These are not idle boasts. Here is my recipe, rudely adapted from Molly Katzen's Still Life with Menu. It's good for any winter day you wanna feel like a winner!

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Black Bean Vegetarian Chili

• 3 cans of black beans

• Olive oil/butter for the pan

• 4 cloves minced garlic

• Small jar of diced jalapeños, or one diced fresh pepper of your choice

• 2 tsp. cumin

• 3 T. fresh basil

• 1 tsp. dried oregano

• Salt and Pepper

• 1 juicy lime

• 1 c. Marinara sauce or roasted tomato-pepper soup

Put three cans of black beans, with their water, in a saucepan, Slowly heat them up.

In a skillet, on medium heat, sauté three or four minced garlic cloves in olive oil with a little butter.

Add in one of those small jars of diced jalapeño peppers. They’re perfect.

If you want a hot chili, get out the Poblanos and Anaheims and go for it. 

To your sauté, add the chopped fresh basil,  cumin, oregano, salt, and pepper.

You’ll get a nice hot paste with the peppers, until they’re wilted and soft. Add
the juice of one lime towards the end.

Add this mixture to the beans, along with a cup of any tomato, or marinara sauce, or—  the Trader Joe’s roasted pepper and tomato soup.

Let that warm on low heat, while you make the salsa. It can stay warm while everything else comes together

Pineapple Salsa

• Canned chunk pineapple

• 2 bunches of mint leaves

• 2 tsp raw garlic minced

• Pinch cumin

• Salt to taste

Get your Cuisinart out. If you don’t have one yet, sell some plasma and get one.

Pour in the pineapple chunks, fresh mint, garlic, cumin, and salt. You can add chilis of
course, if you want this to be hot, too.

The mint is the one part of this operation that has to be fresh. It comes in little
bunches and is easy to chop that way.  Don’t use the whole bunch in the salsa . . . you
need at least half of it for the Crazy Cuke Sauce.

Pulse the food processor a few times until the salsa is shredded and mixed well. It’s
nice to have a few chunks of pineapple bobbing around. Put it in a serving bowl in the
fridge to chill.

Crazy Cuke Sauce

• 2-3 big cucumbers

• 4 T. fresh mint

• 2-3 T. chopped red onion

• Salt and pepper

• 1-2 cups plain yogurt

Peel and coarsely chop up two cucumbers for your Cuisinart. Add the chopped
fresh mint, red onion and a cup or two of plain yogurt. Salt and
pepper!  Buzz it up good, and then pour it into a serving pitcher or cup to chill in the
fridge.

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Plantains/Fried Bananas

• Bananas or plantains

• Olive oil, to make ¼” layer in your frying pan

Sauté your bananas before you make the guacamole so they have enough time to caramelize.

Get any kind of banana you like. Plantains are super, but any banana will do. Slice them in half length-wise.

Melt butter with a little olive oil ( so it doesn’t burn) in your skillet, so you have a fine 1/4” coating in the pan.

Place the banana slices in the skillet, and slowly cook them on medium low heat, turning over when one side gets streaked with dark brown. You’re slowly burning them, and the sugar’s coming out.

When they’re done, turn the heat off and let them sit in the skillet until you serve them.

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Guacamole

• Avocados

• Cilantro

• Lemon juice, about one lemon per 3-4 avocados

• Salt and Pepper

Get the best avocados you can find. Perfect ripeness. That’s the magic part.

Peel the green fruit out of their skins and drop into your serving bowl.

Add the juice of one lemon per three or four medium avocados. This is what gives it the kick, like it was just born.

Chop up a little cilantro, and smash it all up with healthy shakes of salt and pepper. 
Use a fork for this part, not the food processor.

That’s IT.

Yes, you can gum up the works with hot sauce, onions, tomatillos, tomatoes, sour cream— but! Please taste it in its virginal stage and tell me if you aren’t quivering.

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Extras

Grate or crumble up some of your favorite cheese. Goat cheese. Mexican queso. Cheddar shreds.

Scallions, peppers, sour cream, chopped up tomatoes, delish.

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Serve It

Pour the hot chili ( which will have been gently simmering for a half hour or so)  into
bowls.

Drizzle Crazy Cuke Sauce over it, scatter some cheese, put a spoonful of Guacamole in
the center, festoon it with Pineapple Salsa. Get the chips out.

Anything goes at this point. May the best drama win!

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