In the crowded room of everyone I know who has recently died and is about to die

The Mistaken Identity Case of Mary, Susy, & Susie

This morning I learned about a woman’s death, someone I knew in the strangest of ways.

In quieter times I would’ve heard of her death in October, the day it happened. Mary was a big deal.

But no, I missed it. It’s a case of “I was in hospice with Peter, so I missed the funeral of Paul.” I can’t keep up with everyone who’s checking out.

I can’t say Mary was my friend, because she took great pains to distance herself from me. I won’t say her real name, not yet.

But we had a secret connection in the later years of her life. Yes, secret.

Mary was a mover and shaker in the arts world; she was instrumental in countless careers. If she was critical of you, whoa— it was tough to survive in her small pond. She closed as many doors as she opened.

Mary was born in 1946. She was always gay, never with a fellow, and careful to not be public about her gay life until the turn of the 21st century. She kept yards away from lesbians who were political, out, and “flagrant,” as my closeted aunt Molly would…