Family Kleenex (r) : A Short Story

by Briandaniel Oglesby

A story by Briandaniel Oglesby

Downstairs Bathroom—

Family-size with Lotion contained in a plum-colored floral pattern box; 112 have been used.

- 14 went to runny noses.

- 17 went to bloody noses.

- 5 went to wiping soap and grime from around the ceramic abalone dish full of tiny shell-shaped guest soaps.

- 22 went to blood not from bloody noses.

- 8 went into pockets in case of the sniffles. 

- 7 went to pus from Ming Cooper’s acne. She detonated her zits in the downstairs bathroom when the upstairs one was occupied.

- 6 went to Ming’s astringent when the cottonballs ran out. After she detonated the zits, she rubbed Johnson & Johnson Clean & Clear® on the spot, as if it would make her heal faster. She was by no means the only seventh-grade girl in the world to have this hope.

- 3 went to her brother Pepin’s semen. Their mother, Su, used the Kleenex to wipe it off the door handle.

- 14 went to shit— eight were improvised toilet paper when the roll ran out and the shitter did not know to look un…