Dedicated to all the lesbian artists who would not, could not, imagine being in this life
Me and Pete and Everyone Else On This Particular Gay Day
The decent world is standing with Pete Buttigieg today.1—Someone who has seen some things.
Among gay, lesbian parents, our blood is curdling YET AGAIN.
This kind of thing: the surprise attack from a vindictive sicko with a plan to harm, has happened to every out-of-the-closet parent I know. Happened to me.
The malicious want to destroy us, and they know how to draw blood. “Despicable” doesn’t even begin to describe it.
Pete wrote in his letter, the past hours have been the darkest of his life. I know he’s not exaggerating. When I was threatened as a young mom, for what rightwing psychopaths perceived as my “sexuality,” here’s the things that went through my mind:
Pack our bags, leave this country forever. (but where to go? )
Never take another photo again, never share a birthday or Thanksgiving again (live underground like a mole)
Pull out of school, find all-gay school, (haha) find community where straight people never trespass (isolation from my coat of many colors, my friends and family)
Doubt myself, that I ever dared to have a family of my own (the worst)
How is this going to affect my kids (you don’t want to go down this hole)
Trauma is a bitch
Yet, as loved ones circled the wagons in our time of need, who came and comforted us— just as they’re doing now with Pete— your little boat starts to right itself, and you begin to exercise selective amnesia.
I think I read every single loving comment on PB’s blog, and it was better than therapy. These attacks could break us but then, they don’t. It’s just that there’s always a chance, that it could be relentless.
In 1997, I made a photography book with co-editor Jill Posener, called Nothing But the Girl: The Blatant Lesbian Image. It was quite something.2
I’d like to share with you, the dedication I wrote on the front-piece:
This book, is dedicated to all the lesbian artists who would not, could not, imagine being in this collection:
because you fear for your job
because you fear abandonment
because your lover is a closet case
because your family is ashamed of you
because someone threatened to take your kids away
because the academy didn’t like it
because the gallery disdained it
because your estate does not wish to cooperate
because it’s politically incorrect
because it’s politically inopportune
because you don’t approve of the word “lesbian”
because you don’t approve of the word “dyke”
because you don’t approve of “porn”
because you think sex should really be private
because it was different when you grew up
because you don’t see the point in bringing this out into the open
because you don’t feel like living anymore
because you didn’t mean it that way
because you’re locked up
because you’re doped up
because what did lesbians ever do for you, anyway
because it hurts to be criticized and cut down
because people are cruel
because you’re not a hero
because
the first cut
thank you
is the deepest
And happy gay day, my friends. It’s also my daughter’s birthday and she’s been to every San Francisco gay parade since she was born. What a day to feel humanity!
In Case You Missed It
The History of the Blatant Lesbian Image
I wrote this, as a love letter. It's a letter evoked by many authors before me— a story written secretly, without fanfare of any sort, for as long as women have conjured up a picture of their sex, and their sex together.
Child Protective Services and a cop came to Buttigieg’s home, separated him from his 4 year old sons, to investigate an “accusation” — person unknown— who said he was a danger to his kids. Eventually, the agents said, “Uh, okay, this seems to be bullshit.” REALLY. I guess they could have figured that out before their sadistic performance. Everyone knows who’s behind this crap.
We won the Lambda Prize and the Independent Spirit “Firecracker” award for best photography book of the year. Yes, it’s “almost” out of print, but keep on searching!
Nothing But the Girl made me feel alive. Thank you!
I was dismayed by Pete’s post. I would think if anyone might be shielded from such bullshit it would be him.
I strongly feel the anonymous tipster should be investigated. Sayin.