The Mocktail Cabinet
The perfect dry, the perfect sweet, the perfect caffeinated viper
No gracious party frolic is complete without a virgin beverage department.
There are times when alcohol is not the answer to the question, What Next?
Yet there is so much hype about “mock-tails” these days, it’s as if you have to have a lower-borough mixologist with a PhD to prep your glass. Homestyle Nicks and Noras have been unduly intimidated.
Of course you want to bring a touch of style. No guest wants to be handed a tepid glass of water, or frozen OJ.
For your virgin recipe dispensary, you’ll want a dry adult beverage, a sweet adult beverage, and something with a little zip.
The Surly Temple
“Soda and bitters” is the official dry drink in New Orleans, which every barman is prepared to slide down the rail.
Or, as my friend Suzie Sherman calls it, “The Surly Temple.” (Go to her link, scroll down, for some delicious variations).
When soda and bitters are ordered in tandem with other ticket items, your bartender may not change you for it at all.
Recipe:
Very cold, very bubbly soda water, in a chilled glass, with plenty of ice and two or three dashes of Angostura bitters.
Other reputable bitters, like the Angostura Orange, or the Aztec Chocolate, are proven substitutes.
You can drink this all day, all night.
Things Go Better With Kola
When was the last time you went to a party and someone handed you an “ice-cold Coca-Cola” in a glass bottle?
—Or a frosted glass of Coke poured on perfect ice?
Are you salivating?
In all the rush to stock 40 brands of kombucha, people have forgotten the enduring God of Soda. “The Pause that Refreshes” indeed.
If you are hosting a fancy party, purchase Coca-Cola in bottles. Contemplate your glassware and the “good ice.”
Next, if you want to take it up a Tallulah-size notch: add a squeeze of lime, and additional garnish of lime.
LIME, not lemon.
For a tart sweet extra: A dash of cherry syrup, or vanilla. (Torani makes fine examples).
For an unapologetic sweet tooth, scoop a soup spoon of ice cream into their glass. Add straw.
Field marriage proposals.
The High Tonic for the Sober Viper
Iced coffee is a sleek virgin beverage that whets a different sort of kick.
You can make the pot decaf for the evening— but I find the guests who love this drink, sip it round the clock, straight.
People love coffee. Truly-chilled coffee in a gorgeous glass, with real cream and sugar syrup — it’s a luxury anywhere.
However, imagine you want to pull your guests into a Viennese fever dream:
Make strong coffee. Allow to cool.
Pour two shots of the coffee or espresso in a chilled highball glass over good and plenty ice.
Fill to brim with very fizzy tonic water. (I see you, Topo Chico). That’s a 2:6 ratio.
Garnish with a twist of orange or lemon, as one would garnish an espresso in Rome. The sweetness and citrus of the tonic is beautiful with the coffee.
I am, in fact, sipping iced coffee right now. Living in Louisiana, where it could be in the upper eighties before 7:00 AM, got me in the habit. I am intrigued by the orange twist idea. There’s a hot alcoholic coffee drink that I enjoy that involves chocolate and an Orange liqueur. A cold Virgin drink drawing in these flavors could be really good.
😹😹the Surly Temple